feeling damn tired...had less than 5h of sleep last night -_* really bad.really really bad.think i'll wake up late tomorrow for school.and there's the 2.4 napha test.argh.how the fuck am i suppose to run after the shitty miles today at nht??maybe im just gonna fail man...damned.havnt done ANY homework at all..just too tired to be bothered.table's clustered with goodie bags' stuff from ndp preview and nht.no difference from the rubbish chute downstairs.school ndp training tomorrow from 1430-1730.should be able to leave early for tuition at 1645.tomorrow and tuesday'll be tough days.2 tests i havnt studied for on tuesday..one chinese one chemistry..shit.shit this whole load of bullshit.piles of assignments still undone.must$ find time to get them done no matter what.cant afford to do badly this two terms.gotta mug..gotta run...
did i mention about yesterday's fireworks?they were spectacular..absolutely breathtaking.you should have seen them.wonderful,really.last week's NE show's was peanuts compared to yesterday's.saw them from the bus on the way back to hq.favorite one was the blue and silver spiral like thing.think im gonna catch a couple more hours of sleep than usual..shall try to be in bed by 2230 today.
many disputes still unsettled among us..hope that by mid aug everything will fall nicely into place (sounds a little familiar..) really need time to concentrate on my academic core subjects.sometimes i wonder..everyone has 24h a day,but why is it that some people can cram so much more work into it while others are just simply slogging their guts out?stop telling me the same time management theory bullshit alrite.its not that.its just maybe in our mind.the state of our minds..how it works..hah.fine.doesnt make much sense.
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vanna
22:10
just returned from ndp practice..feeling much refreshed after a bath.now eating some potato chips..heh.weather today was good,wasn't too much sun.not that i missed it :P not tired tonight unlike the other sat nights.there's heritage trail tomorrow.need to report to hq by 0630.this is bad.think would have to wake up at around 0530.so i'll have to settle with less than 6h of sleep today.tsktsk...pray hard i dont faint during the race tomorrow hah.
mr ang/liang yew sir was mad today coz apparently someone from the redx contingent wrote into the ndp exco complaining about having only 1 ticket.yeah so he blew up and wasn't in a very good mood.the preview today was not really up 2 standard in my opinion.people did not take dressing and the files were crooked.must have been unsightly from the grand stand.happened to glance over to the GOH and saw this person from the first file with a wrong armswing..tsk.the goody bag was heavy...and well...the design was...a bad imitation of deuter bags.but what can i say...?though the material was actually ok,dont think i'll b using it anytime...haha.seems like we wont be having a party on 9 aug when we return to hq unlike previous years.mr ang was pissed with the ticket issue and decided to call it off.well...what can i say again..?got back to hq rather early today.thats a good thing i guess.there was this 'ball' joke that mr ang made and the atmosphere kinda loosened up a little.need to bring full-u next week for uniform inspection...
right..and you know what?i actually find myself still being able to talk to those people i thought i would ignore after POP.the tension seem to have disappeared,but there is still this tinge of regret and utter disappointment in me that i just cant wish away.maybe what i thought of initially still holds - that things might never be the same again for everyone..and theres no point trying to change that fact.theres still alota discontentment about the decision of the posts undereneath,just that people dont talk things out...
find my blog entries getting very draggy nowadays..maybe thats coz i've just got too much to spew out.and am afraid that if i dont,things are going to be buried deep down..and one fine day,who knows i might just,you know,erupt like a dormant volcano.eyes are nearly closing now..think i need to catch some sleep...shall end here.
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vanna
23:50
before i start..just wanna say that all i'll be saying might not make sense and it'll just seem like a whole load of crap.right..not too happy with things at the moment.things have taken a change since aroud 1600 yesterday when the results of the POP were announced.yeah..a drastic and not too good change..a 180ยบ turn.not unexpected though but just a little too hard to accept..goddamn.though some people i favor more are in the committee holding a rather important post,i must say that doesnt mean she deserves it more than others who...are not in the committee and has better qualities.move on to the next one.there is of coz a...surprise..or so to me at least..who is in the committee,but come to think of it,she does deserve the post.and of coz there is also another one,who used..i would say..unscrupulous methods to worm her way into the ranks of staff sergeants.not that im ego but i think i would rather replace myself with her post.fine.you must be thinking what an asshole im..so what then if im?thats the plain truth.thats what i think.and thats all that matters.you may think i've turned into this green eyed monster but what i wanna bring across is that,some people simply dont..make the cut..yeah.thats my point.
everything i once believed in is gone..everything i once knew is taken away..everything i once held onto no longer exists..everything...well,it kinda juz disappeared in2 thin air...gone frm my world...suspected smth long ago,but din giv it much thot..thot it was sum coincidental incidents..i shld hav known..i shld hav done smth..but itz 2 late now..does it mn itz al my fault?tt i brought it uopn myself?no,i refuse 2 belive tt ...i nv will,coz i believe tt @ least i stil have my integrity...
wadeva it iz...life has 2 go on..tinks r gonna ruff itself out...more responsibilities now since took over... load increases...more balancing 2 b done..alrite..aniwae...2 al 2 sec3s...letz wk 2gether 2 bring forth e unit...cheers!to the next step!
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vanna
23:03
whoa.its been over a week since i last blogged.think my previous few posts were not published or something..cant see them on myself.maybe something's wrong with my com.well..whatever.saturday ndp was pretty fine..went on quite well,but think jianfu sir was sick or something..not in a very good mood whatever the case is.debreif was bad..rite.all thanks to mr ang.so damn embarrassed man..would have well not turn up for any more trainings in the weeks to come..argh. heritage trail briefing today.that tee was goddamn ugly..probably the worst i've ever seen.will consider using it as a rag after this sunday.a little argument and discontentment among the 3 of us..not the first time.perhaps things will just solve itself out..who cares.someone's just making herself a little extra.just find that she doesnt really fit in altogether...yeah.shan't go into details..not too pleasant.thursday is POP..not exactly looking forward as i mentioned earlier..or did i?but anyway many things are yet to be settled among the sec3s and this is definitely not the best time to take over.whole unit's not prepared for the parade at all..much less expecting the juniors to respect us.when the last 2 batches took over..we criticized and condemned them saying how they did not deserve respect but commanded it instead..but come to think of it..ive come to realize that it has not been easy for them.and when we take over..i think the sec3s should put themselves in our juniors' shoes and think what should we do so that they'll respect us..give it to us deservingly and willingly.it takes a lot to make a unit work and more to run it.so yeah.and many people actually are fighting themselves silly over the committee posts..and when the head of TD is taken out of committee..many changed their minds about wanting that post.me thinks its not whether or not the post is in committee but whether you have the commitment and love for that post no matter how lousy the cca points are and what others think of it.no matter what the results are on thursday im not gonna change my stand on this..but im sure relationships will take a change on thursday.for better or for worse..it depends.before i end,just wanna wrap up in a better and lighter mood.saw jianfu sir today at hq after the briefing.think he looked a lot better than saturday..maybe coz he's wearing outside wear.gonna end here..this is not getting anywhere..
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vanna
23:11
so here im again..one whole saturday wasted on ndp.well well,today wasn't too bad.yep..sirs and ma'ams were angry with us over god knows what petty things.the whole unit apologized and everything but really dont think this is necessary since most of us didnt mean it.and we did nothing wrong in the first place..so you could say it wasnt a sincere apology.ever have that feeling that things dont go our way and always end up less than what we expect?maybe life would be better without any expectations.imagine not having to feel so disheartened when things go terribly wrong.imagine not having to work hard to achieve goals.there are many things i can take,but you know..some people just take this for granted.theres a limit to how much one can take before blowing up.think i'll just let the matter rest for now..but they better not cross the line.meanwhile.i'll just have to keep my head up high,look ahead,take steps forward with confidence.like we do week in week out.like always.like always.
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vanna
00:38
feeling rather blank today.you know..just void of any emotions.cant help but think that the race against time is about to begin once again.no sooner than one-and-a-half weeks did term start.assignments,tests,national ndp practices,school ndp practices,pop practices,and the heritage trail shit to be solved and get done with.used to think that i work well with stress,but cant b that sure now after what these few months in sec3 have brought me.hmm.. did my sentences above make any sense at all.. think its a little incoherent but they are after all just my random thoughts which havnt gone thru the process of organization.i wonder if people can just turn vegetable by sitting somewhere all day long not moving..just staring into space..and not using their brains.i dunno coz thats what i feel like right now..as if my soul has left my body here on earth and flew off for somewhere else.itz friday tomorrow and there's sch redx training..heritage trail briefing at 1600.still not sure if i should turn up.its on a sunday and there's ndp practice on saturday till about 2200.may just faint of fatigue on the way there if i decide to turn up the next day and the activity is so tiring..well almost 80% sure now that i wouldn't be going.i'll most probably just chicken out.time check now is 1604.tuition later at 1800.dont know what im doing online either..coz there's tons of homework waiting for me..still in my bag yet to be taken out.hah well...i guess thats all for today.
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vanna
16:11
What's this war in the heart of nature? Why does nature vie with itself? The land contend with the sea? Is there an avenging power in nature? Not one power but two? Who are you who live in all these many forms? You're death that captures all. You too are the source of all that's gonna be born. You're glory, mercy, peace, truth. You give calm a spirit, understanding, courage, the contented heart. Maybe all men got one big soul where everybody's a part of. All faces are the same man, one big self. Everyone looking for salvation by himself. Each like a coal drawn from the fire. This great evil-where is it come from? How'd it steal into the world? What seed, what root did it grow from? Who's doing this? Who's killing us, robbing us of life and light, mocking us with the sight of what we might have known? Does our ruin benefit the earth, aid the grass to grow and the sun to shine? Is this darkness in you too? Have you passed through this night?
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vanna
13:16
just felt the need to blog..not feeling too sure about the chinese o levels listening tomorrow.in fact,im not mentally prepared at all.didnt expect time to fly so fast..always thought it would be a few more months before the real thing comes.but tomorrow,thats that.cant believe it mann..whatever i write on the script tomorrow,whatever i submit in,howeva i think and write tomorrow,will determine part of my L1R5 next year.its pretty scary when you come to think of it.coz all of these little points of the paper eventually make up to your score.i dont know whats gonna happen tomorrow but i believe that there is only one chance to do this right and it'll be tomorrow.to quote eminem,if you had.1 shot.1 opportunity.then i would say.you grab it and never let it slip by you.
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vanna
23:01
