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sum1 told me..by e end of my sec sch life..i'll get e big picture...n i c it...no matter wad..times change..thgs r different...bt e problem is..i dun wan dem 2 b.

im sure u've xperienced smth lyk dis b4..u wanna say smth..smth gd..bt u're so afraid 2 say it out..coz u're scared tt if u say it..tt fragile little thg wil turn out bad..n so u kip it inside of u..hoping tt it continues staying put e way it is...n ttz wad i've been feeling almoz dis whole yr..bt now..im gonna say it..yr2004 has been a terrific yr.

0 comments
vanna
23:03

here it iz..thurs dec 30th,2004.e yr is quickly winding down..sch's starting soon n e time of reflection has officially set it...as we approach e end of e yr itz time 2 review wad we hav done..shld hav done n nid 2 do...when u look bac @ 2004..wad do u rmb?i tink e tendency is 2 scan e past 12 mths 4 e peaks n troughs...wad did i achieve?whr did i fail?n when u look ahead @ 2005..wad do u wanna c?achievements 2 b had?failures 2 avoid?big..happy..glorious moments?

it iz also @ dis time of e year traditionally..when people fall into 2 distinct categories...when i say 2..i mn 2 n only 2...in my 16 yrs of life on dis big blue ball of existence.. dis time of e yr is 1 whr we bcum xtremely polar...u r either e joyous..happy 2 b alive..happy 4 all e gd thgs in life..happy 4 e love n health of dose close 2 u..happy 4 e fortunate moments n happy 4 all e little thgs tt fate has placed in ur path...or u're e quiet desperation..wad did i do wrong..wad cld i hav done better..wad cld i hav done different 2 make it all better pple...

Now stop...take out e tone of positivity n negativity n rilli look @ tt...notice anythg more?e 1st has e "here n now" e other has e "then n there" ideology in it...dis is my revelation dis year i tink...i've been known..just ask anyone who has been ard me 4 more den a couple of yrs..as cynical...now im nt gg 2 deny any1's opinion of me..ttz up 2 dem nt me..but i tink if u ask any of dem dey wil always tell u i hav nv been a person hu reflects on e past wif an attitude of regret or wishing i cld change e past...tt said..dis time of e yr..n e polar attitudes made me rilli stop n tink abt myself n juz wad it is tt makes me hu im...we all hav dose thgs in our past tt we wish we cld change bt im nt 1 of dose pple hu focuses on dose issues...i've always been a person hu wld rather spend e time n energy on thgs tt i can stil change..can stil affect n can still do...in dis i've cum 2 a realization tt im nt a "then n there" person...based on tt fact i had a minor epiphany..tt im nt rilli tt cynical a person.

i've always called myself a realist n nt a cynic n now i can nt only say it bt i can actually believe it...e holz hav always been a time of reflection..n wif tt i've looked @ myself n m now able 2 start down e right path...e time has cum 2 stop wallowing in self-pity..n stop blaming evrythg on others n "events beyond my control"...

0 comments
vanna
15:14

as i read thru all my previous entries stored in e archives n dug out my other diaries @ e bac of e cupboard..i realize tt e yr end holz entries r often filled wif stuff tt suggested i was bored outta my damn mind..or pissed off wif sum redx shit...well..xcept 4 dis yr tt is..e o's ended in mid nov..leaving juz a mth n a half of e dec holz..n dis 1.5mths r overloaded wif activities lyk prom preparation..overseas trips..a chalet..getting ready 4 sch..nt 2 mention constantly worrying abt my financial status...so e qns ttz been bugging me 4 qte awhile is dis..how on earth izzit possible tt sum pple find e time 2 look 4 a job..much less wk?n which employer in e rite mind wld hire a wker wif oni..say..1mth of commitment?dis is ridiculous.

0 comments
vanna
23:39

itz instinctive in humans 2 search 4 e mning of an event lyk dis..once shock n grief hav begun 2 subside..n dere wil b plenty of mnings 2 find in e ways tt humans reacted as dis disaster struck n in itz aftermath as e relief effort begins...bt xcept 4 our obligations 2 help e victims in any way we can..e underlying story of dis tragedy is e overpowering..amoral mechanics of e earth's surface..e movement of plates tt grind n shift n slide against each other wif profound indifference 2 anythg bt e pressures tt drive dem...wheneva dose forces punctuate human history..dey do so tragically...dey demonstrate..geologically speaking..how ephemeral our presence is...

0 comments
vanna
23:52

Los Angeles has littered e world wif itz paraphernalia...Disneyland..movie stars..TV..fast food n hype-itz al here in overdrive...LA may be a figment of itz own imagination..bt if u long 2 stand in e footsteps of stars n breathe deir hallowed air..dis is D place.
although LA iz definitely built 4 cars..it does hav a v comprehensive n even fairly efficient public transportation system..bt unlike New York..LA izen a place u can juz thrust ur arm out n expect 2 hail a taxi...

no star studded tour iz complete w/o a visit 2 Beverly Hills..home of e rich n famous...juz west of Hollywood..dis city-within-a-city flaunts itz wealth wif opulent manors on manicured grounds n streets overflowing wif designer labels.
so e idea of fun is nt xactly lining up 2 hav a photo taken wif an acned teen in a mouse suit..bt derez stil Knott's Berry Farm..a more bucolic theme park a couple of miles NW of Disneyland..wif a mexican-themed Fiesta Village..Camp Snoopy n plenty of rides...

itz been awhile since i last posted...e weather's warmer in LA den in NYC..which is a gd thg :) bt i m much much poorer den eva..no doubt a bank wil b cuming aft me soon when e statement cums @ e end of e mth...itz already xmas eve in s'pore now i guess..leaving another 10 days till sch reopens.holy shit.

0 comments
vanna
20:10

dey dun cum ani bigger than e Big Apple - king of e hill..top of e heap..New York..New York.itz gt itz fair share of e tired..e poor..n e huddled masses.. but it also has world class museums..big statues..even bigger buildings.. outrageous excess..n a whole lot of fun!itz hard 2 put a finger on wad makes e place buzz so hard..bt e city's hyperactive rush kips drawing more n more pple 2 it...in a city tt iz so much a pt of e global subconscious..itz pretty hard 2 pick a few highlights-wherever u go u'll feel lyk u've been dere b4...bkshops..food..theatre..shopping..pple:it dosen rilli matter wad u do or whr u go in New York bcoz e city itself iz an in-ur-face..exhilarating xperience...
e Statue of Liberty stands @ e crossroads of Old World n New..e Lady wif e Lamp representing e shining ideals of democracy...itz a goddamn 354-step climb 2 e statue's crown..e equivalent of climbing a 22-storey building!n scaling e hts in e dead of winter is certainly no joke.
dubbed e 'Great White Way' aft itz bright lights..Times Square has long been celebrated as New York's glittery crossroads..e combination of color..zipping msg boards n massive TV screens makes 4 qte a sight...

posting result seems a little unbelievable..bt letz juz leave it @ tt..shant we?

0 comments
vanna
22:16

u hate it..dunch u?when pple brg up e past tt u tried so hard 2 4get..undoing al ur previous efforts @ burying n stashing dem away in a tiny dark corner of ur brain...y do dey juz luv toking abt e past..constantly comparing it wif e present..reminiscing e thgs tt were..e thgs tt once existed..n e thgs tt nv wil b again...izit rilli so hard 2 understand tt certain memories r unpleasant..n it took much more than awhile 2 stop dose nitemares frm occuring...well i guess itz bcoz dey nv xperience such demselves..e fear of falling asleep evrynite coz u're afraid of wad u wld dream...dere is smth i admire of dose hu r willing 2 subject demselves 2 such horror once again (only @ a higher level dis time round) aft 4 long yrs of service..wadz deir source of passion tt kips dem so committed?i dun geddit..n mabbe nv will...when dey spoke of e treatment dey received..n e terrible thgs dey were ordered 2 do...misery drips frm deir evry word..yet when asked if dey regret e decision..e ans is a firm no...mabbe an analogy of dis wld b e time nt long ago when we drilled endlessly under midday sun..howeva worn out or discouraged..we persisted juz 2 get dose damn trophies...ttz e destination n source of motivation u c..bt 4 smth such as joining as a vi..wadz e aim?2 pass e course..?n den?2 get more cca pts..?yes..ttz a major pt..bt izzit big enuff 2 make u hang in dere..ttz another qns.e 2nd intake nx june wil nid sum serious consideration..including getting past dose psychological barriers.

0 comments
vanna
22:40

hmms..so e much hyped abt s'pore idol finals r here..haven rilli been following dis spin-off frm american idol..bt hav decided 2 watch it since itz lyk plastered over e newspprs n mags...taufik performed well consistantly throughout e 3 songs..lyk dick lee said..he's a versatile performer n is able 2 sing diff genres effectively...bt i cant say e same 4 sylvester though..he totally destroyed 'it's my life' by bon jovi..1 of my fav songs..'twas xcruciating sitting thru tt performance of his..itz a diff song tt needed lots of lung capacity..n letz juz say e skinny guy dosen hav dis quality.his laz performance 'i dream' was much beta..qte comparable 2 taufik's 1 earlier on in terms of quality..though both did it in diff styles...itz undeniable tt taufik possesses e better vocal cords..n sly oni made it dis far coz of his large fan base...i wudden b making ani calls or sending ani sms-es anitime soon..coz neither of dem r actualli ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC..perhaps dey're juz e cream of e crop frm dis small miserable island...put it dis way..if dey were 2 join pop idol or american idol..dey wudden hav made it past e top 10.

0 comments
vanna
21:52