itz amazing how stupid u can b when u wan smth bad enuff...take me..tinking i cld hav happiness 4 longer den a min...hu was i kidding?myself.i was kidding myself.coz when all of dis happiness stuff began..i truly believed i cld hold on 2 it...long term.bt anithg long term is juz nt built in2 my life plan.aft all ttz happened..a couple of truths hav bcum abundantly clear...trust is a liability i can no longer afford..nt now..nt eva.trust..period..is bcuming a liability.
life is a solitary mission...an absurd..random search w/o mning..1 tt each person ultimately undertakes alone...looking @ it any other way is juz lyk buying in2 an illusion meant 2 make u feel safe when u're nt...so i m changing my goals n philosophies 2 reflect my actual life..nt my fantasy life...i wun hav 2 b careful wad i wish 4 animore..coz e time 4 wishing is over.
i wonder if tears make u feel human..coz if it does..den i've nv felt more so b4 as e missed penalty played over n over again..haunting my dreams...
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vanna
22:16
